Christmas Nostalgia

As I watch my kids experience the excitement of Christmas, I often think back to my own childhood. Christmas was awesome in our home. My mom went nuts with Christmas joy and we grew up beyond blessed and spoiled.

I remember writing Santa Claus a letter every year and wishing for the same things all of the time… my own telephone and my own TV. Santa never did bring either one of those… I finally got a job and bought them myself, but one of the two items were always on my list. I remember having pictures done with Santa each year, except for the one with me crying…that was traumatic and I have decided to block it out, but I remember with excitement and hope that I would tell him my wish list. Such big dreams and big wishes for a small child. The days of innocence… the days of just being in the joy without a care in the world… the days of being a kid at Christmas.

For years I struggled with Santa being included in our Christmas celebration because I got very legalistic with religion. I missed Santa’s symbolism and only preformed the duty out of obligation & pressure. Maybe it was my break through that I had this year… the part where I grabbed hold of my anxiety & depression… that led me to have a lot of fun this year. Playing Santa was a blast, watching the boys get excited over their gifts was fulfilling, and adding a little magic into the morning was icing on the cake. We wrapped the entrance way to the hall in wrapping paper and had Santa leave a note that said, “Merry Christmas Brandon and Nick”. Cracked me up when my B yelled out, “Guys, we are trapped!”

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As I enjoyed the moments of the morning I got a little surprise this morning at my parent’s house. In our stockings my Mom added something from our childhood in them. Mine was a letter that I wrote to Santa when I was in 6th grade. I was glad she put it in my stocking to remind me of my own childhood Christmases. I will hold this very close to my heart… not because I wrote it but because I think it is a good reminder that once upon a time I was a bright eyed child with huge dreams… just because I became an adult doesn’t mean that those dreams go away… they just change a little. Or a lot in this case… Here is my letter:

Dear Santa Claus,
I have been a good girl almost all year long. And my name is Noel. Also, these are some of the things I would like on Christmas Day:
1. Mini Oven
2. Girl and boy barbies
3. Goodluck care bear
4. Kimberly cheer leader doll
5. Girl or boy cabbage patch kid
6. Jewelry
7. Any color of umbrella
8. A real telephone
9. Typewriter
10. A real guitar
11. All poochies: write & makeup & toenail stickers & poochie doll
12. Cowgirl boots

I have cracked up over this list over & over. I have no clue what a Kimberly cheerleader doll is or what poochies are. The umbrella is totally random and a typewriter… HILARIOUS! My how things have changed. I am still waiting on those cowgirl boots… I believe I did get the mini oven and I’m pretty sure I got the barbies as well. I kind of love that playing with toys was still a thing in 6th grade then. Most of all, love my honesty to the big guy in red! I admitted I was good ALMOST all year long. Bwahahaha Does anyone admit that any more?

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas celebration and I hope that you never lose the innocence or excitement you had as a kid. It is the one time of the year where we can verbally dream as big as we want and maybe, just maybe, one of our dreams will come true.

Have a great night!
In peace, love & health
Noel

Making room for hope

I am sensitive. I hate being sensitive because being sensitive leaves you open to getting hurt more often especially by those close to you. There is one person in particular who goes out of their way to put me down whenever possible. I can’t wrap my head around why this person hates me so much. They must find joy in it because there is no other reason I can think of why it is a must for them. There is a place in my heart for this person, but I often close it up to protect myself from the nasty digs and unnecessary put downs that are thrown my way. It makes me so sad. I just want to be loved and accepted by this person. Then again, I am sensitive.

This morning my Pastor spoke on making room in your heart even for those who bewilder you, overwhelm you, and yes… Put you down. These are the people who need God’s grace most. It’s hard to do. I am not God and I don’t have his strength. I am human… A sensitive one at that… To make room in my heart is going to take some mad prayer on my part. Not for them, but for me. As I am writing this I know I can do it… I feel my spirit being lifted and my faith firm in His love.

Sometimes I may write because I want to educate & empower you… Other times I write because I need it. I have a renewed hope that the love and grace of Jesus will help me come to peace with my inner struggle.

If you are in a similar situation I hope that you can take the time to be with God and see if you can make room for someone that is making you feel unloved and unwanted. God made room for us in His kingdom through Jesus, I am thinking we can make room for those who need it most.

In peace, love, & health…