Prefix obsessions

This is a very personal post today.  A post that I struggle to write because so many people have such emotional and warped feelings about it.  It’s a little about Adoption.  It’s about the obsession of titles for all of those involved in the triad of adoption.  It irritates me beyond measure.  A couple days ago I retweeted this

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I didn’t think anything about it.  Just retweeted it and made the comment that it’s totally true.  The reason why I bring this up is because I got a reply from a person asking if we should refer to women that give birth “birth” moms.  My thought was immediately that we don’t.  We call them Mom.  I went on to read a little more about this person and her description of herself was “I enjoy poking holes through people’s deluded beliefs.”  In short, she has nothing better to do than to stir up drama and arguments for no other reason than to be a pest.  With all of the negative people in the world, I blocked her.  Her ignorance got to me because it reminded me that there are so many ignorant people filling up life with their non sense. Regardless on how you become a Mom… you  are a Mom.  Kind of like how, regardless of how you become a part of the family… you are a part of a family.  When magazines write about Hugh Jackman’s kids or the Jolie-Pitt crew they always refer to their kids as their “adopted son” or “adopted daughter”.  These children are their children regardless how they came into their family.

I am a Mom.  I became a Mom through marriage & adoption.  My oldest is my “step”son.  I have had the honor of raising of him since he was 5 years old, when his father and I were married.  My husband has custody and for the reasons that are our own, I stepped up to the plate and filled the role of Mom in his daily life.  Four years after we were married, we welcome our youngest through adoption.  Both boys are nothing less than our sons.  They are loved, supported, and encouraged unconditionally.  I refuse for society to try to make them less because they were both adopted.  I refuse for those who are ridiculously against adoption, whatever their reason may be for it, try to tell me and countless other parents that they aren’t “real” parents because there are no genetics between them. Adoptees already struggle enough with their identity at times… society does not need to go out of their way to make it harder for them by labeling them.  N was asked one time by a classmate if he “knew who his real parents were” and his response was his own.  He said, “Yes I do.  I live with them.”  The kid was confused and said, “I thought you were adopted” and N responded, “I was, but you asked if I knew my real parents and they are my real parents.”

The prefix obsessions don’t end with adoption.  My older brother happens to be gay.  He is not my “gay” brother.  He is my brother.  I have heard people refer to him as my “gay” brother and I can’t get over the fact that he has to be labeled.  He is my brother and the only prefix I use is the  “older” part because it reminds him that he is older than me. 🙂  There are countless of other prefixes and labels we put on people and it’s not necessary.  We don’t need special titles for everyone in order to make someone else feel better or to justify a situation.  All it does it separate us even more. We are all human and all desire to be loved and accepted.  This is what I aim to do and I would hope you would do the same.  When I read the new commandment that Jesus gave to his disciples, it is pretty clear what he wants us to do.  I just struggle with why others find this so hard.

John 13:34 (NIV)

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

 Embrace it and love each other.

If I ever got a tattoo, this would be it!

If I ever got a tattoo, this would be it!

 

Be open, be honest, be kind, be considerate, be supportive,and be loving.  If you can’t be those things, then please be quiet.

 

Future Hope

Recently my husband and I were talking about all of the negative press in the world and the message it sends our kids. The message our kids hear is that the world sucks, they won’t be able to find a job, create a business, afford healthcare, have freedom of speech, they are not as smart as the rest of the world, they are spoiled, have no morals, etc… Nothing positive. Remember the saying that if you hear the bad stuff enough you will eventually believe it? Well… it’s effectively working.

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Our kids hear this in school, on the news, on the internet, and through others conversations. I admit that at some point our kids have heard us talk about the things we hear on the news. It’s never good. We stay confused about what is going on in our society, so we know our kids stay confused.

In our conversation we challenged ourselves to change the conversation. Instead of discussing the bad in this world (and there is a lot of it)… We are going to lift up the good because there is a lot of that as well. I believe there is more good than bad, we just hear about the bad ALL. THE. TIME.

This conversation change doesn’t change our discipline tactics or expectations of their behaviors, education, and overall being. It changes the direction in which their thoughts go. See, America was built on a dream and an idea. The dream doesn’t have to die and the ideas don’t have to stop just because we have had a government and media that wants us to believe we can’t do anything on our own. We can. We will.

We decided that we would speak only good and positive things around them. Not to protect them from harm but to encourage them to stay strong and have faith in the midst of the storm. So they will be able to look for the good in everything around us when most only see the bad. Our hope is that they will be a part of the solution and not the problem. Right now, they are in the same boat as everyone else. We are turning in our tickets and getting on a new boat going towards a new direction.

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Our hope is that our boys will be positively effected by this change in conversation and that a new dream will be awaken in their hearts. God created a beautiful people on this beautiful planet in this massive universe. He did not make a mistake when he created it. We aren’t going to let the wicked and negative minds of others ruin the hope for our future. We are going to lift up God’s promise and His message of light and love. We are going to give that message to our boys in hopes that they will drink it in and have that be their foundation of hopes, dreams, and ideas.

My husband and I are committed to changing the messenger. No more CNN, Fox News, NBC, CBS, ABC, Drudge Report, Drudge Retort, or any other news media outlet will be in our home. It’ll be a change, but it will need to be done to bring hope back.

I love the first picture above that reads, “it’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not”. They hear and then believe they are not good, and that’s not the truth. The majority of the world is good. That’s the truth. Here is to the truth and future hope!

5k Completed!

5k Completed!

My first 5K EVER was completed on April 19, 2014. It was an awesome time. There was a lot of good that came out of this day. First, my goal of running a 5K was met. Second, I beat my own time by 3 minutes. Third, I ran a lot longer than I thought I could. Fourth, I came in first for my age group (it was a small race, but I don’t care… I WON). Fifth, I realized that my fear and hesitation is what keeps me from actually doing something I want to do. I changed my thoughts and became a person who enjoys doing 5K’s! Last, I grew in my church as an active member and got to know some really cool people in the process. The Run for God program ROCKED it!