This is a very personal post today. A post that I struggle to write because so many people have such emotional and warped feelings about it. It’s a little about Adoption. It’s about the obsession of titles for all of those involved in the triad of adoption. It irritates me beyond measure. A couple days ago I retweeted this
I didn’t think anything about it. Just retweeted it and made the comment that it’s totally true. The reason why I bring this up is because I got a reply from a person asking if we should refer to women that give birth “birth” moms. My thought was immediately that we don’t. We call them Mom. I went on to read a little more about this person and her description of herself was “I enjoy poking holes through people’s deluded beliefs.” In short, she has nothing better to do than to stir up drama and arguments for no other reason than to be a pest. With all of the negative people in the world, I blocked her. Her ignorance got to me because it reminded me that there are so many ignorant people filling up life with their non sense. Regardless on how you become a Mom… you are a Mom. Kind of like how, regardless of how you become a part of the family… you are a part of a family. When magazines write about Hugh Jackman’s kids or the Jolie-Pitt crew they always refer to their kids as their “adopted son” or “adopted daughter”. These children are their children regardless how they came into their family.
I am a Mom. I became a Mom through marriage & adoption. My oldest is my “step”son. I have had the honor of raising of him since he was 5 years old, when his father and I were married. My husband has custody and for the reasons that are our own, I stepped up to the plate and filled the role of Mom in his daily life. Four years after we were married, we welcome our youngest through adoption. Both boys are nothing less than our sons. They are loved, supported, and encouraged unconditionally. I refuse for society to try to make them less because they were both adopted. I refuse for those who are ridiculously against adoption, whatever their reason may be for it, try to tell me and countless other parents that they aren’t “real” parents because there are no genetics between them. Adoptees already struggle enough with their identity at times… society does not need to go out of their way to make it harder for them by labeling them. N was asked one time by a classmate if he “knew who his real parents were” and his response was his own. He said, “Yes I do. I live with them.” The kid was confused and said, “I thought you were adopted” and N responded, “I was, but you asked if I knew my real parents and they are my real parents.”
The prefix obsessions don’t end with adoption. My older brother happens to be gay. He is not my “gay” brother. He is my brother. I have heard people refer to him as my “gay” brother and I can’t get over the fact that he has to be labeled. He is my brother and the only prefix I use is the “older” part because it reminds him that he is older than me. 🙂 There are countless of other prefixes and labels we put on people and it’s not necessary. We don’t need special titles for everyone in order to make someone else feel better or to justify a situation. All it does it separate us even more. We are all human and all desire to be loved and accepted. This is what I aim to do and I would hope you would do the same. When I read the new commandment that Jesus gave to his disciples, it is pretty clear what he wants us to do. I just struggle with why others find this so hard.
John 13:34 (NIV)
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
Embrace it and love each other.
Be open, be honest, be kind, be considerate, be supportive,and be loving. If you can’t be those things, then please be quiet.