Parenting. Hands down one of the hardest things I have ever done. Most days are pretty good. There are minor things that come up and have to be addressed but mostly it is pretty good. The past three days have not been like this. It’s actually been extremely difficult.
Tonight my 14 year old is going on his first group “date”. I like that it’s a group situation but he is still nervous and honestly, so am I. It’s like sending out your kid into the world and hoping that all of the good lessons and manners you have been teaching him will actually stick with him. I hope he makes the right decisions and doesn’t act like a complete goob. His humor is different than most and he has a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. This is a test for him. It should be an easy test considering I will be at the same exact place but “minding my own business” (not really but don’t tell him). I am anxious for him.
At the same time, my 4 year old has decided that this is the week he will push every single button I own. He will test me to every limit and honestly, he has succeeded. He has visited the naughty chair more times that I can count and is currently learning what “grounded” means. He has lost all TV time for the next two days. He loves TV and he is not taking to this well. The battle that is waging is stressful and I hate the tension that has overtaken our home. I don’t tolerate naughty talk, hitting, kicking, throwing, and purposefully going out of his way to be disobedient. He did every single one of these things TODAY.
It’s tough. I love these boys with my entire heart. I would give them the moon if it was the right thing to do, but it’s not. Parenting isn’t giving your kid everything they want or justifying their actions for them. It’s disciplining when they need it. It is following through on threatened punishments when an undesired action plays out. It’s feeling like crap because you spent most of the day trying your best to keep it all together and keeping calm in the midst of the storm only to explode in to a million pieces and falling apart. It’s asking for forgiveness when you do fall apart. It’s hugging your child to let them know that even though they are in trouble they are so so so very loved and wanted. It’s encouraging your oldest and letting him know that everything will be okay and that I have faith in who he is. It’s also giving him a little extra money so he can pay for the girl’s dinner if he feels compelled to.
It’s been a tough day and not one where I want to repeat any time soon. It’s one of those days where you think that a long weekend away would restore your soul. It’s one of those days where you pout all by yourself, in the bathroom with the door locked because that is as close as you are going to get to a quiet get away. It’s also one of those days where I sit back and focus on the good days that we have had. This is a cruddy day and all parents have them. As my Mom always tells me, “This too shall pass” and I know she is right, but for now… I am going to pout.