Yesterday I was at the doctor’s office with my mother-in-law and while we were waiting I overheard a conversation between the office manager and a pharmaceutical rep. They were discussing the latest drugs. I had a silent giggle to myself about their conversation just because anyone who knows me knows that I only take anything as a last resort. If my essential oils don’t help… then and only then will I take something. It’s a rare occurrence. Anyway, as the pharma rep girl got up to leave the office manager commented on how cute she looked and what a nice dress she had on. The rep laughed and said, “Thank you, it’s my fat girl dress.” I was stunned.
She was far from fat. She was an attractive girl who looked well put together. She looked healthy & thin, and by that I mean her bones weren’t sticking out. She looked a lot smaller than me. I’m not skinny, but I’m not fat either. I will admit to saying out loud, “You are far from fat” as she walked by me. She glanced quickly at me and then continued to her next destination. Hearing her say those words made me sad. She was young, in her mid – late 20’s. I remember being at that age. I remember always feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Actually, I remember a time when my ex-husband told me that I didn’t look as good as I did when we first met and needed to lose some weight. I was 23. I weighed 130lbs. and I am 5’7″. Notice I wrote “ex-husband”. 🙂 The point is, I remember feeling fat all of the time. My body image was warped. I struggled too.
If I am honest with you, it’s only been recently than I actually don’t think of myself as fat. I’m healthy. My size fluctuates between an 8 and a 10. If I was in Hollywood, which I am not, I would be considered overweight. Thank God I am not in Hollywood! I like to eat food and I like to eat all kinds of food. I no longer have what I used to call my “fat clothes”. I got rid of those because I equated them with negative self talk and they had to go. I am getting too old for this negative body image crap and there comes a point in your life when you realize that you aren’t an airbrushed cover girl, nor do you want to be. This whole getting older thing may play crazy tricks with your body, but your mind rocks it as it gets older!
I also read a post from a woman, who is my age, talking about how she has always struggled with her body image and it was her goal to be a certain way before she turned 40. Last year, I said the same thing. I wanted to look a certain way and in my head I had convinced myself that if I didn’t look a certain way by 40 that I would have failed myself. A few months ago I realized that I am healthier than I have ever been. My cholesterol levels came down to healthy levels for the first time in years, my blood pressure continues to rock it, I am rarely sick, and I can keep up with my 5 year old son on the playground. I haven’t failed. I have succeeded! Have I made some changes, sure, but not a lot. I take some really amazeball vitamins. We all need to make some changes to ensure we have better health, but I finally accepted my body for what it is and it’s absolutely freeing. I am going to walk into 40 feeling confident and proud of who I am.
My heart is sad for anyone who struggles with their body image and believes that they aren’t beautiful. You are beautiful. You truly are. You have got to turn out the negative thoughts and words out of your body. You have got to talk to yourself they way you talk to you friends. You deserve it. Own it! Work it! Love you.